So I actually needed to write a song for this (very indie unpaid) film in which I’m playing a sad guitar guy and appropriated this very cool assignment for that purpose. Here’s my first attempt at that song. I wrote it to be loud and carry in street-performing setting, but I played this around 2 AM, so that changed the dynamic.
Also, this is audio extracted from a video, which I posted https://www.instagram.com/reel/CqUsLOmAy85/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Hard to know, but I wonder how playing for a video, as opposed to a voice memo, affected what I did, even though the final form is essentially the same.
I think the song needs to be shorter. My instinct is to cut the little verse that begins “I could stay here half awake”. I substituted some IV chords where there’s usually a V at the end of the progression, and I’m ambivalent about them, but leaning toward nope. Would love to hear your thoughts on any element of the song.
Sorry I forgot about the featured instrument! although I’m doing a couple little things on guitar here that I haven’t done before.
Here are the lyrics:
Your roommate’s home
it’s midnight in the municipal parking lot
I’m taking in
and the slow sad music
You ask about the backseat and I throw all the tools and socks in the trunk
I tell you I’ve never done this you tell me you want to kiss my neck
If it’s this good with jeans on what if we shook down the sea from the sky
If it’s this good with jeans on baby I’m scared to death of dying
It’s Sunday night
I’m pacing around the municipal parking lot
I’m taking in
icicle in my gut
spit my tears and ask you once
let our history begin with us
goodnight there’s no substitute
for holding you for holding you
if it hurts this bad with jeans on
what if we shook down the sea from the sky
I could stay here half-awake
kissing your shoulder
till evening rises over us
till you tell me you’ve had enough
if it’s this good with jeans on we just might shake down the sea from the sky
so I can
take you out
take you out
Looking for feedback on
Z March 30, 2023 2:19pm (edited)
Love how the context of the municipal building, the boredom, really makes whats going on emotionally between the characters pop that much more.
I think “shorter” would be a fruitful instinct to follow in the context of a show’s intro. However this feels to me more like something that belongs in DC or Sam Pearce’s catalogue, in which case it can be as long or as stripped down as needed.
i don’t know much about the show, but if the premise is “sad indie guitar guy” and you’ll be trying out other stuff free of the NCBC parameters, I’d be curious to see what can come of something that provides more contrast. Maybe having someone else sing it? Possibly a female, if you’re going to be playing the lead role? Or a tempo/feel that’s a little more exciting? Maybe no vocal at all? Like what about the feel from “Panic Song” by Greet Death. I say all this because if I’m watching this show, I’m definitely gonna wanna hear some of the main characters music at some point. But if I’ve already heard a very specific tune right in the intro too many times it might undermine the performances reserved for the episodes themselves..
I guess to summarize, I love this as it is, personally want it to be a Sam Pearce/DC track, perhaps performed in one of the episodes itself, and so I think the intro should be in the rock world but it shouldn’t sound like Sad Indie Guitar Guy’s band…
Hope this is helpful, thank you for sharing this!