honey why’d you text me, “I’m sad I didn’t take a chance on you”, when you knew I was someone’s baby? what did you want?
well honey I’m easy. I own my feelings. so you know what you’re giving up when you unstick my star from the ceiling.
you were drunk I was sober so I didn’t kiss you back. you were drunk I was sober so I didn’t kiss you back. I was sober so it goes without saying. and we were worth being sober for.
honey I see you. I know you’re a warrior. when you smile the war in me pauses. when you stared at me forever.
honey I’m hungover. chest-shaking bass doesn’t shake you out of it. I don’t love you like that. I just think with time I would have.
you were drunk I was sober so I didn’t kiss you back. you were drunk I was sober so I didn’t kiss you back. I was sober so it goes without saying. and my love’s worth being sober for.
honey you are worth being sober for. and we were worth every wasted hour.
Looking for feedback on
Anything, but I'm particularly interested in the four questions above. Thanks!
lydiarose September 14, 2020 11:57am
I love the vibe of this. If you add harmonies, I think it would be really cool to have it be female vocals, especially on “I’m sad I didn’t take a chance on you.” (I would be happy to do it just to see how it sounds). The muted trumpet would also fit really nicely. I love the lyrics, how you slightly change the context of “worth being sober for,” and the lyric “when you smile the war in me pauses” – genius. The song is minimalist, so if you were to add new sections that were musically different (which I agree that it would benefit from) it does not have to change dramatically – the smallest changes will sound quite different to the listener, like the last chord. You could experiment with changing that underlying rhythmic pulse slightly, or keeping that but changing the harmonies more to change chords or change keys. It reminds me of Taylor Swift’s song “Peace” from Folklore, where that note and rhythm is played throughout the whole song but there are changes around it.
ryan September 14, 2020 10:41am
Damn, this is really lovely. Love the bass movement over the melody. Love hearing the crickets in the background.
In regards to your questions, I think there’s a really natural moment for a new section after the second chorus (traditional bridge powers activated) where it could start on whatever that second chord is in the main section. I think breaking “sober” into “so-ber” in the back half of the chorus is a little clunky, because we’ve heard it as sixteenth notes so many times prior to. I’d look into tweaking that a bit. Otherwise, I’m loving these lyrics. Really great track, man.
nick September 14, 2020 10:40am
Nice track, Sam. I don’t know that I’d change much of what you have, but I could imagine that last line launching into an instrumental outro that grows with dynamics, and different sounds, and gets a little wayward and embodies some of the tension between a wasted mind and a sober mind. And in regards to the two part harmony, I think some clever inclusions that expand the meaning of a few lines could be special, as if the second harmony is the other person in this story.. like “what did you want?” could be a good one.