Happy to make my first submission and join this wonderful and talented community! This is a really fun assignment – I was moved by the film Cast Away and thought the story would make for an intimate and melancholy song. I am singing, playing piano, and playing the oboe. The oboe is a very expressive instrument, fitting for lamenting melodies like these. The lone oboe at the end is meant to indicate the long isolation of the narrator. Below are the lyrics.
Somewhere, I’m not on my own
There, I call it my home
Where you and I are meant to be
Sometime, I’m not on the outside
Living just to bide time
But that was only in my dream
I knew it felt so real
Like water in my eyes
I touch you in my mind
Took you a year to heal
But here you are mine
You’re keeping me alive
You’re keeping me alive
Looking for feedback on
I would love some feedback on the lyrics and how I could improve them. I am working on trying to tell stories in a poetic way with lyrics that are not too on-the-nose.
trumpeteer123 September 15, 2020 4:55am
this is awesome! love the harmonies and the oboe 🙂 lyrics are a little nebulous but I kind of dig it, but i do agree it could be good to see some specifics. love seeing other horn players/vocalists 😀 (I play trumpet and sing)
lydiarose September 17, 2020 10:51pm
ryan September 14, 2020 9:30pm
Lydia, this is awesome! Your performance is super strong. Great vocals, holy smokes.
In regards to your question, I think your lyrics are doing a pretty good job of being subtly poetic as you hoped for. I would encourage you to try getting slightly more concrete, even if it’s just for experimentation. I think sometimes it feels like the poetic aspects of a story exist in the more ethereal spaces, but concrete details that might be able to subtly carry a lot of weight can go a long way, in my opinion. I think you touched on it with “like water in my eyes”—though that’s a concrete simile, as opposed to a concrete detail, so to speak. I wonder what might come of it if you sought to incorporate a dash or two more of the tactile world.
Anyways, great work and very glad to have you here!
lydiarose September 17, 2020 10:49pm
Thanks for your insight – I will try more of that!
nick September 14, 2020 10:45am
Incredible submission, Lydia! So great to hear another live instrument in the oboe. Your playing in this piece is very confident while also delicate, and paints a great picture of a cerebral moment on the island. Glad to have you on this one!
lydiarose September 14, 2020 11:09am
Thank you! 🙂
Sam Pearce September 14, 2020 2:47am
Hi Lydia! This is really beautiful, and it’s so cool to hear live oboe in a piece (I play trumpet). There weren’t any lyrics that jumped out to me, but feel free to post them in the submission, and I’d be happy to listen again while reading them and share my thoughts (it’s hard for me personally to assess lyrics thoughtfully if I’m not reading them too). Psyched to have you in the community!
nick September 14, 2020 10:46am
Yeah, definitely edit your submission and throw the lyrics in the description. Would love to read them!
lydiarose September 14, 2020 11:10am
Thank you for your feedback – I posted the lyrics in the description. Nice to meet you both 🙂