a thousand meteors at the 2.4 star island motel on collins

  • Submitted on time! Feb 4, 2024
Meteor Shower at the Motel

first a flicker then a flash
with air thick as thieves
mayhem stirs the witches brew
finds ghosts of a haunting breeze

with the calm in the night so haunting still
witness the lanterns burn
but sure as the day pushes back the night
this evening the sky will churn


so…work travel…then Miami…only ipad during trip so forgive the canned cheeze


Looking for feedback on

want to be better at creating overlaying vocal melody that enhances rather than follows


EliasSZ February 14, 2024 11:06am

but sure as the day pushes back the night | this evening the sky will churn” this is such a great lyric.

I second Ryan, not sure I needed the heavier section – I think the vibes you conjure up otherwise felt really good to me and didn’t feel like I was needing a departure yet.

Ryan February 7, 2024 3:08pm

Yeah I love the main section of this! Could live in that space for a long time. Mellencamp meets Tom Waits. I was really digging the juxtaposition of the warm/summery instrumental and dark lyrics—not sure it needs to depart into the heavy section! And in regards to your note about vocal melodies that enhance rather than follow, I actually think you very much achieved that!

Ben February 6, 2024 4:38pm

Wow, the intro to this was really effective. So were the string stabs that come in around 1;09!

nick February 5, 2024 11:24am

you’re a nut. seriously witchy vibes. “the sky will churn” is a great lyric, great way of putting it. garageband loops are endlessly fun to play with. glad to see you experimenting the software!