The Heavens Rain Down

I’m impressed by the precision of this one one take performance. I don’t think I have a least favorite part, but I found myself wanting a few more elements – I don’t think this song is necessarily calling for a giant arrangement, but a bit more to it would I think send it to a new level.

There’s a remarkable pop sensibility here. I could easily see a song like this with a voice like yours winding up on some curated acoustic/chill indie pop playlists. I love it as is arrangement-wise, but are there any other directions you might take this to add depth beyond the guitar? Might be fun to play around building out a soundscape a bit more. Fantastic job!

Love it- to get a full performance in one take – something I struggle with! I really like your voice and the raw poignancy suits the parameters well. Since I don’t regard myself as competent with form as some of the other folks around here, I’d suggest that the process of merely multi-tracking this would give it more dimension.

Love how you rhyme “our” with “power” – delightfully unexpected and playful. Also “stargazing is the ancient TV” = great line and sentiment. Reminds of my fav line from one of my fav movies Mad Max: Fury Road when the girls are looking up at an old defunct satellite and one of them says, “in the old world, everyone had a show.”

When I was writing my submission, I kept singing the line “and the heavens rained down in a grand finale” – eventually I changed it to “and the comets came down in a grand finale” – but man there is something so compelling about that phrase.

Well done!

Hey! Nice job. I was quickly grabbed by your voice. Unexpected and really nice. Then the “people I love” line really grabbed me a few seconds later. I agree with Nick about the OK stuff. Theres a little bit in the middle where some momentum is potentially lost.

The one thing that makes it complicated is: What are you going for? Are you going for A.) a live-ish guitar + voice song or eventually B.) a more produced multitrack song? Things like @@nick‘s suggestion about the trumpet outro would be great if youre going for B. But if youre going for A, I’d say it’s all just structure. Like maybe see if you can snip a total of like 25 seconds out from somewhere between 2:20 and 3:30. Easier said than done though of course.

My only other suggestion, which is purely subjective, is maybe change up the strumming a little bit on the chunks after each of those first lines (0:37-0:39, 0:42-0:44 etc etc). I think the same chunking over and over again was a little bit clunky or too rhythmically intense for me, but that’s really my only suggestion

Welcome! Psyched to have you here.

Echoing what others have pointed out here, this tune will be excellent once you tighten up the structure. Plenty of great material to work with. Catchy chorus. Also just want to mention you have great natural vocal tone!

Chill and vibey in a sweet lo fi way. I agree with @@nick— I think this piece just needs a pass of trimming. The guitar intro into the verse into “i breathe in and out” has a very natural flow and there’s really nice variation/evolution. Around “the way that this sight” I feel like it could change again, maybe back to the verse vibe. The heavy strumming at the end is a nice way to end it, I like the ramp in energy. In any case, lots of great potential in here!

I love whatever chord is hit at 0:51 – adding that ambiguous suspense is what takes this to the next level. Nice.

So glad to have you! And dude, this is an excellent first submission. I think you did an incredible job following the parameters. one of my favorite cascading melodies of the bunch, so kudos to you for that! I think the melodies in general are strong, the lyrics are simple and straightforward with just the right amount of magic woven through them. All this needs to be is trimmed down. There is no lack of great stuff, just an eventual excess of OK stuff. For me, im completely hooked up until “oh forever a day” at 1:37, only because I want it to go back to the intro/verse melody at that point. If I were producing this song, at 1:37 I’d go right back to the beginning, run all the way through “Gotta breath give one take three” and then throw in a little trumpet outro and call it day. Print it. Done. Also “(don’t know how you’re under the sky whilst in a room but gonna roll with it haha)”… skylight maybe? Fine by me. Great job, dude.