The Heavens Rain Down

  • Submitted on time! Jan 26, 2024
Its Play
Meteor Shower at the Motel

Just.. went to the beach at night to write the first part as per assignment hahah, wrote most of it in my room.

My process is making the chord progression, then kinda just mumbling over it until a melody and eventually words come out (they generally have to come at the same time to see the way that the syllables roll with the melody).

The cascading melody was in the first two verses, hopefully I got it right!

Here are the lyrics:

Watching the stars as they fall from above

Chilling at the motel with people I love

And we’re sing at the tippity top of our lungs

About all the things on our minds oh what a time

We can’t help but to ponder the past

We hope it goes forever but nothing with last

We watch the days as they keeping running past

Under the eyes of the sky in this rented room where we lie (don’t know how you’re under the sky whilst in a room but gonna roll with it haha)

I breath in and out

Take in the meteor shower

As it lights up the street

The heavens rain down and our

Eyes witnessing the power

Of the night we don’t sleep

Oh forever a day

We just can’t stay away

From the scene

Got a nickel to pay

Dollar short its okay

At the motel we stay

Gotta breath give one take three

The way that this sight got a hold on me

We laugh and we cry and we just can’t believe

We just get by as the stars start to leave the sky

The free fall look such a treat

For a moment I forget that the grounds underneath

We look down where its safe but it feels bittersweet

In life usually things never come to you free

Exceptions made stargazing is the ancient TV

I breath in and out

Take in the meteor shower

As it lights up the street

The heavens rain down and our

Eyes witnessing the power

Of the night we don’t sleep

Oh forever a day

We just can’t stay away

From the scene

Got a nickel to pay

Dollar short its okay

At the motel we stay

Gotta breath give one take three

Looking for feedback on

Tell me your least favourite part about this and I’ll try fix it! How are the transitions? Does the cascading melody come off as.. cascading? Haha


EliasSZ February 14, 2024 11:59am

I’m impressed by the precision of this one one take performance. I don’t think I have a least favorite part, but I found myself wanting a few more elements – I don’t think this song is necessarily calling for a giant arrangement, but a bit more to it would I think send it to a new level.

danhunt February 10, 2024 6:07pm

There’s a remarkable pop sensibility here. I could easily see a song like this with a voice like yours winding up on some curated acoustic/chill indie pop playlists. I love it as is arrangement-wise, but are there any other directions you might take this to add depth beyond the guitar? Might be fun to play around building out a soundscape a bit more. Fantastic job!

Z February 9, 2024 7:05pm

Love it- to get a full performance in one take – something I struggle with! I really like your voice and the raw poignancy suits the parameters well. Since I don’t regard myself as competent with form as some of the other folks around here, I’d suggest that the process of merely multi-tracking this would give it more dimension.

nurphgun February 6, 2024 9:13pm

Love how you rhyme “our” with “power” – delightfully unexpected and playful. Also “stargazing is the ancient TV” = great line and sentiment. Reminds of my fav line from one of my fav movies Mad Max: Fury Road when the girls are looking up at an old defunct satellite and one of them says, “in the old world, everyone had a show.”

When I was writing my submission, I kept singing the line “and the heavens rained down in a grand finale” – eventually I changed it to “and the comets came down in a grand finale” – but man there is something so compelling about that phrase.

Well done!

Its Play February 7, 2024 6:27am

Thank you!

Yeah I like my rhymes haha, its always fun to see what seemingly dissimilar words can rhyme with each other.

This assignment was fun to consider because I actually love space and stargazing! Straight up its the ancient TV I love looking up ay haha

The Heavens Rain Down really resonated with me to, I think it has a nice ring to it.

Appreciate the feedack!

Ben February 6, 2024 3:53pm

Hey! Nice job. I was quickly grabbed by your voice. Unexpected and really nice. Then the “people I love” line really grabbed me a few seconds later. I agree with Nick about the OK stuff. Theres a little bit in the middle where some momentum is potentially lost.

The one thing that makes it complicated is: What are you going for? Are you going for A.) a live-ish guitar + voice song or eventually B.) a more produced multitrack song? Things like @@nick‘s suggestion about the trumpet outro would be great if youre going for B. But if youre going for A, I’d say it’s all just structure. Like maybe see if you can snip a total of like 25 seconds out from somewhere between 2:20 and 3:30. Easier said than done though of course.

My only other suggestion, which is purely subjective, is maybe change up the strumming a little bit on the chunks after each of those first lines (0:37-0:39, 0:42-0:44 etc etc). I think the same chunking over and over again was a little bit clunky or too rhythmically intense for me, but that’s really my only suggestion

Its Play February 6, 2024 7:22pm

Hey thank you so much! Yeah from what I can I gather the sentiment is that I should cut some stuff out but thats algoods!

I generally go for multitrack songs but for this one I’d like to keep it rather simple, maybe some perc and a synth or two.

Also yeah that verse after 2.20 may need a revamp or need to be cut is a lil slow, might give it a revisit. And yeah hahaha to be honest I’m much better at writing guitar than I am at playing (not to say I’m a crazy writer) so my strumming patterns are kind of more reflective of my skill level than anything else lol.

Thanks for your feedback!

Ryan February 6, 2024 1:11pm

Welcome! Psyched to have you here.

Echoing what others have pointed out here, this tune will be excellent once you tighten up the structure. Plenty of great material to work with. Catchy chorus. Also just want to mention you have great natural vocal tone!

Its Play February 6, 2024 7:24pm

Yeah I’ll revisit it and give it a lil tune up defs! Thanks so much for your feedback!

alechutson February 6, 2024 12:20pm

Chill and vibey in a sweet lo fi way. I agree with @@nick— I think this piece just needs a pass of trimming. The guitar intro into the verse into “i breathe in and out” has a very natural flow and there’s really nice variation/evolution. Around “the way that this sight” I feel like it could change again, maybe back to the verse vibe. The heavy strumming at the end is a nice way to end it, I like the ramp in energy. In any case, lots of great potential in here!

Its Play February 6, 2024 7:29pm

Thank you! Yeah I was a lil unsure about that verse where I say “the way that this sight” but I love the line “we just get by as the stars start to leave the sky” so was a bit torn about it and decided to leave it in haha, might try change the first part of the verse. Yeah at the end I was just improvising some hammers and pull offs around the normal progression so I went a bit harder to bring those out 🙂

Cheers for your feedback!

Ben February 5, 2024 12:29pm

I love whatever chord is hit at 0:51 – adding that ambiguous suspense is what takes this to the next level. Nice.

nick February 5, 2024 4:16pm

totally. that’s a real level-jumper.

Its Play February 6, 2024 7:34pm

I like it too! 🙂

I don’t know any chord names except for the basic ones but it is (capo on 5th taken into consideration) A string 3rd fret, D string 3rd fret and G string 2nd fret, so like an E chord but pushed up one fret higher, give it a whirl!

Ben February 6, 2024 7:52pm

Fmaj7 👍🏻 Typically you’d put a finger on the 1 on the low E string so you’re getting an F in the bass and an E on the top, but it’s all groovy.

Its Play February 7, 2024 6:30am

@@BennyJamJamz Good to know! Also mean shout with the finger on 1, I just tried it out and it really ties the low end of the note together well would’ve never known cheers!

nick February 5, 2024 10:58am

So glad to have you! And dude, this is an excellent first submission. I think you did an incredible job following the parameters. one of my favorite cascading melodies of the bunch, so kudos to you for that! I think the melodies in general are strong, the lyrics are simple and straightforward with just the right amount of magic woven through them. All this needs to be is trimmed down. There is no lack of great stuff, just an eventual excess of OK stuff. For me, im completely hooked up until “oh forever a day” at 1:37, only because I want it to go back to the intro/verse melody at that point. If I were producing this song, at 1:37 I’d go right back to the beginning, run all the way through “Gotta breath give one take three” and then throw in a little trumpet outro and call it day. Print it. Done. Also “(don’t know how you’re under the sky whilst in a room but gonna roll with it haha)”… skylight maybe? Fine by me. Great job, dude.

Ryan February 6, 2024 1:09pm

Completely agreed with the structural changes suggested here! Nice n tight, only the strongest stuff survives.

Its Play February 6, 2024 7:43pm

Thanks so much dude!

Also, fair fair! Yeah I was just worried that the chorus was a bit too short, maybe could replace that part “forever a day” part with something more high energy or as you say just run through the song again. I agree about it being trimmed down for sure, too many low energy parts I think, I just get attached to my lines hahah.

That idea about a trumpet outro would go hard tho!

Shot for the feedback ay! Glad to be here!

stonewindow February 19, 2024 5:27pm

Such great feedback. You have a solid song. I like the moments between the notes when you stop strumming and your phrasing changes. I didn’t note the exact minute.