it falls unplanned
I’ve had a hectic two weeks, but I really challenged myself to get a product out in time for this one. This is really just a brainstorm of a chord progression mixed with trying to just improvise a cascading vocal melody using some lyrics I had jotted down late one night. It’s essentially a first brainstorm session of a song.
Lyrics: (lyrics in parenthesis were cut during this brainstorm, but originally in my notes)
“Tryptophan, without a plan
Crossing stars and empty cars
A hideaway, a sky of pain
We die at last, and too soon
In the lamp light, I showed mine.
Scars like burning stars
Across the water-stained roof
I knew myself as bullet-proof
(I had no defense against you)
Fumigate, facetime masturbate
we’ve just watched the burnin of heaven’s gates
I hate so little, and none of you
I still love when your smell comes through
Reception’s left unmanned
Every lens is heaven bound
The Fall, it falls unplanned
A stunned inhale our only sound
(They fall like snowflake
and you don’t know
you’re covered til you’re soaked
to the bone — new phone and home.
Some shoes won’t fit,
seeking a cosmic fix,
it all hinged on a kid,
our liminal space, our Motel 6)”
Looking for feedback on
I'd love any notes on songwriting form here. Do you see a bridge, a chorus, a better melodic opportunity, a needed lyric cut or tweak, should it be expanded or distilled?